1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,804
Fresh warm cupcakes!

2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:08,109
Enjoy this winter wonderland
with some hot, hot cocoa!

3
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,145
Why are we open
and selling to no one

4
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,314
when we should be closed
and taking a floor nap?

5
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:16,550
Yes, Max,
it's a blizzard right now,

6
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,219
but in an hour, it could be 65!

7
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,221
That's the beauty of global warming.

8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,855
You, stop!

9
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,258
I'll give you a peppermint stick!

10
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:27,295
That is a straw with red stripes.

11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,029
Well, what sounds better, Max?

12
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:32,633
A peppermint stick
or, "A straw with red stripes"?

13
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:36,237
First of all,
great impression of me.

14
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,140
And second, no one in their
right mind

15
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:41,041
is stopping for cupcakes
right now.

16
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,647
(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, girls!

17
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,516
Guess who wants a cupcake?

18
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,518
It's me.

19
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,052
Here you go, Sophie.

20
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,222
See, Max, we have a customer.

21
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:57,191
And just so you know,
I'm not gonna pay.

22
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,994
Oh, I'm so glad you stayed open

23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,797
even with all this
snow everywhere.

24
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,434
You know, good for you.

25
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,701
You two are really committed

26
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,437
to this little cupcake window...

27
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,173
...even when it's stupid.

28
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,611
That's it, we're closing.

29
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,447
These streets need
to be plowed

30
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,782
more than that poor
married Jonas brother.

31
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,186
-No, wait. Listen!
-(VEHICLE BEEPING)

32
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,420
It's the snowplow.

33
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,122
Now, people will
be able to get to us.

34
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,558
I told you it is gonna be
one of those magical

35
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,326
New York City nights.

36
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,668
Do it again!

37
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,938
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪

38
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,107
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

39
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,750
Why are we here?

40
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,287
It's still snowing,
and we have no customers.

41
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,723
I had to put money in the cash
register just to steal it.

42
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,894
We can't just leave.
Han's not here.

43
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,296
Maybe the trains aren't running

44
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,464
or Han got knocked out
by a snowflake.

45
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:12,866
Well, you know the diner rule....

46
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,768
the one I just made up.

47
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,737
If he's 30 minutes late,
we grab whatever

48
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,706
we can fit in our pockets
and leave.

49
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,510
Of course,
if he's 31 minutes late

50
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,746
and there's no one here,
we all get fired.

51
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,149
But I say we roll the dice.

52
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,952
Well, whatever happened,

53
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,521
we can't run the diner
if Han's not here.

54
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,588
That's right.

55
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,656
Who's gonna walk
around here

56
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,891
guessing what a vagina looks like?

57
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,928
Uhh... me?

58
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,031
(BELL DINGS)

59
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,234
Pick up. I like this cold weather.

60
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,502
I get to wear my chin-cheetah hat.

61
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,104
Chin-cheetah?

62
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,540
That's not even a real animal.

63
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,909
Yes, it is. This was the last one.

64
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,748
Who's that food for?
We don't have any customers.

65
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,115
It's for me and Deke.

66
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,785
We're studying pastry school stuff
in the cupcake shop.

67
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,687
We're also putting rocks
in snowballs

68
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:07,855
and throwing them
at hipsters

69
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,123
wearing those stupid
stuffed animal hats.

70
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,393
Max, you think school will be open?

71
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,594
I was hoping it'd be closed

72
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,995
so I'd have at least
have one day

73
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,397
where I wouldn't
have to deal with drama

74
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,831
between me and Chef Nicolas.

75
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,568
Oh, is that
the married man you kissed?

76
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:25,406
-Who told you?
-You! Like a hundred times.

77
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,343
Ooh!
Let's play a snow day game.

78
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,511
Like what?

79
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,980
Guess the code to the
safe in Han's office?

80
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,484
I know the first two numbers
are eight and nine.

81
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,486
How about...

82
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,722
If you could have sex with
anyone here, who would it be?

83
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,693
"Could have" or "forced to have"?

84
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,861
Oleg, you go first.

85
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:52,132
-I pick Caroline.
-Oh, thank you. That's gross.

86
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,972
No, Caroline got mauled
by a bear in the snow.

87
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,374
I did?

88
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,711
No, it was me in a bear costume.

89
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,613
She never saw me coming.

90
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,351
So my only two choices
are you or Earl?

91
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,587
No, Earl passed away
in his sleep.

92
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,890
Of course, you'll feel terrible

93
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,660
when that happens
in a couple of weeks.

94
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,763
Now, if you'd excuse me,

95
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,132
I'm going to go home
and roll me a fatty.

96
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,501
Her name is Denise.

97
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,574
Okay, so I pick you.

98
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,042
Me?

99
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,812
You pick me out
of all these two people?

100
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:45,085
-Luis, are you blushing?
-No! I'm wearing blush.

101
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,257
Don't worry, everyone!
I survived!

102
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,565
Still don't know where Han is,

103
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,900
but the new Bond
villain just arrived.

104
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:04,572
Now there's an even bigger
Octopussy in town.

105
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,842
I'm very sorry I'm late.

106
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:12,212
I got stuck in a snow bank
and had to pee myself out.

107
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:13,914
Where's Max?

108
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,549
And I know she's not
trapped in the storm

109
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,950
'cause she's the one
who taught me....

110
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,086
how to pee my way out.

111
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,456
Max, what is the French name
for this pastry

112
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,058
that looks like a bunch
of glazed balls?

113
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,528
(FRENCH ACCENT) A sha-ta-ta?

114
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:28,862
No.

115
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,198
(FRENCH ACCENT)
A doh-doh-doh-doh-doh?

116
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,668
Oh, so close.
(FRENCH ACCENT) It's a "pata-choo."

117
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,305
French and chemistry
for pastry school?

118
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,007
I thought class was gonna be like,

119
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,542
"Which is better, cake or bread?"

120
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,478
"They're both great, duh.
Here's your degree."

121
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,714
I have terrible news.

122
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,583
Han's not dead and he wants us
to do side work.

123
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:53,220
Do you mind? Harry Pothead
and I are trying to study.

124
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,090
Oh, Max, I know how we'll pass.

125
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,192
We can ask that girl
next to us in class for help.

126
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,260
She speaks French.

127
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,496
You know, the one
with the bubble butt, Judy?

128
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,966
Oh, yeah! Judy with the booty.

129
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,468
You don't know her that well.

130
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:10,438
Please, call her
"Judith with the boodith."

131
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:15,375
Max, can I interrupt
this episode of "Ass Chat"...

132
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,646
...and talk to you outside
for a second?

133
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,948
-Sure.
-Hey, Max.

134
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:24,485
Her butt's so big, she walks
into the room doggie-style.

135
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,286
(CHUCKLES)

136
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,491
Like I said to my uncle
when he came into my bedroom

137
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,093
in the middle of the night,
"This better be good."

138
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,331
Does it bother you when Deke
talks about other girls

139
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,633
with you like you're a guy?

140
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,469
Not as much as
it bothers me when you

141
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,170
talk to me like I'm a girl.

142
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,773
Look, Deke and I are just bros.

143
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,441
I don't want to sleep with him.

144
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,742
Not that there's anything wrong

145
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,544
with two bros
sleeping together.

146
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,714
I'm not bromophobic.

147
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,617
It's just not what this is.

148
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,352
So you're sure
there's nothing sexual

149
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,688
going on between
you and him?

150
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,790
Yes, I'm sure.

151
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,827
No!

152
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,830
Watch, I'm gonna
take a snow swim.

153
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,264
(SHOUTS)

154
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,639
Not that cold.
(SPUTTERS)

155
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,742
You're right,
nothing sexual there,

156
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,377
unless you like
adult men in Underoos.

157
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,651
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

158
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,055
Well, there's Nicolas.

159
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,491
I was not prepared for this.

160
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,527
Really? 'Cause we spent
the entire subway ride

161
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,629
preparing you for this.

162
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,665
Okay, look, should I
brace myself for weirdness

163
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:45,733
between you two?

164
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,467
And by that,
I mean should I hit this?

165
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,402
No, I'm cool.

166
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,571
Cool as a cucumber.

167
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,507
LL Cool J.
Never been cooler.

168
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,209
Ugh, why didn't I drink
before you said that?

169
00:07:57,010 --> 00:08:00,213
Oh, yeah.
I am gonna ice him out.

170
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,784
Well, maybe lose
a couple of those cubes

171
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,485
because he is your boss,
and the only reason

172
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,988
I can afford to go here
is 'cause you work in the office.

173
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,891
Don't worry, he'll never know.
Pretend you're Nicolas.

174
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,226
(IMITATING NICOLAS)
Hello, Caroline.

175
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:17,831
I am a man,
but I am pretty like a lady.

176
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:22,169
-Good morning, how are you?
-Ooh, that was good.

177
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,704
-(ELEVATOR DINGS)
-'DEKE: Sup, Max?

178
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,973
-Look who I got to ride up with.
-Hey, Max.

179
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,275
Hey, Jude.
You ever heard that one before?

180
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,679
Yeah. Is that, like, a thing?

181
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:33,547
Thanks for the ride up, Deke.

182
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,584
Caroline.
(MOUTHING)

183
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,856
I thought we were gonna have
to take the freight elevator.

184
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,292
Really? I assumed you guys
would take the

185
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,595
ass-calator.

186
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,765
Oh, hello, Caroline.

187
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,033
Good morning, how are you?

188
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,467
Very well, thank you.

189
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,004
Can't you see I'm mad at you?

190
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:01,875
-Then why are you smiling?
-This is my fake face.

191
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,578
Then what does
your real face look like?

192
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:08,448
How dare you kiss me
when you're married?

193
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,719
I prefer the fake one.

194
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,591
-Bonjour, class.
-Bonjour, Chef Nicolas.

195
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,260
Today, we will be concentrating

196
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,731
on the chemistry of baking,
for tomorrow's test.

197
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,633
I don't know about
the damn test,

198
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,568
but I would ace a
pop quiz on that ass.

199
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,972
-Oh, sorry.
-I'll get that.

200
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,040
Let Judy pick it up.

201
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,274
It's a chance to see
it in motion.

202
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,678
You think she got that thing

203
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,080
at a Kim Kardashian
backyard sale?

204
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,252
When you add water
to the flour

205
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,054
to hydrate the two proteins,

206
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,757
glutenin and gliadin,
those two proteins

207
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:51,925
are drawn to each other,
and they bond.

208
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,728
Like I like to say,
they're hot for each other.

209
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,698
Max, look, they were drawn
to each other,

210
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:58,799
they bonded,

211
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,168
and now,
we've got our own big butt.

212
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:04,104
Dat ass, though!

213
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,940
More like dat ass dough.

214
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,711
You need to wet
the dough with water

215
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,545
to keep it moist and supple.

216
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,281
Wet your bread,
everyone.

217
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,783
Wet your bread.

218
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951
Mine's pretty wet.
How's yours?

219
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,821
Mine would be,
but it's on antidepressants.

220
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,622
Work with your partner.

221
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:23,857
Help each other out.

222
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,625
Here, let me help, Max.

223
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,227
Yeah, mine's not as
smooth as yours.

224
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,997
Keep kneading it.
You need more water.

225
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,105
It's better, right?

226
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,841
Yeah, I think wetting it helped.

227
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:49,082
Caroline, something
is really wrong with me.

228
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,250
Don't freak out.

229
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,318
I'm here for you.

230
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,186
Unless it's something I can catch.

231
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,924
Something weird happened.

232
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,926
I think I might have
feelings for Deke.

233
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,928
Oh, God, no!

234
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:05,332
I mean, that is interesting.
Let's talk about that.

235
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,167
I don't know what to do.
We're bros.

236
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,468
And I don't want to
ruin the friendship...

237
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,337
Which is really unlike me.

238
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,604
I always ruin friendships.

239
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,941
I've tried to ruin ours
since you moved in.

240
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,276
Well, what changed with Deke?

241
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,046
It was so weird,
he was wetting my bread

242
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,782
and then my bread was wet,
if you know what I'm saying.

243
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:26,086
Okay, thank you.
I'm finally off bread.

244
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,355
Look, I understand.

245
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,223
You can't always help
who you're attracted to.

246
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,424
It's like with me and Nicolas--

247
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,827
This is not the same
as you and Frenchie.

248
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,029
I wasn't attracted
to Deke before today.

249
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,564
The first time you
met Nicolas

250
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,799
your vagina fell on the floor

251
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,801
and tried to crawl up his leg.

252
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:45,338
Yes, but I scooped it up
and snapped it back on.

253
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:47,474
Because I was not born

254
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,076
to have sex
with a married man.

255
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,311
If I was, I would have flirted
with Matt Lauer

256
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,746
when he came over
for the Christmas tree lighting

257
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,281
at my house.

258
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,650
Matt Lauer, that guy's got game.

259
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,487
No hair, but game.

260
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,891
Hey, everybody, good news!

261
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,495
Oh, I passed that kidney stone.

262
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:11,098
Yeah, I think the skiing loosened it.

263
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:15,803
Oh, I felt like I was birthing
a baby through my eye hole.

264
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,106
Did you save the stone?

265
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,207
'Cause only three more

266
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,842
and you can make me
that necklace.

267
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,144
Max, don't change the subject.

268
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,779
What are you gonna
do about Deke?

269
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,115
Oh, wait, I love giving advice.

270
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,650
I had my own advice column
in Poland.

271
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,821
It was called, "Don't Do That!"

272
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,357
Sophie, have you ever
had sex with a friend?

273
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,226
(GASPS)
Oh, no.

274
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,061
Are you two gonna do it?

275
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:46,834
-No, that is not what--
-Oh, don't do that!

276
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,936
No, it will ruin
your relationship

277
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,071
and my opinion of Max.

278
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,640
What about your opinion of me?

279
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,244
(MUMBLES)
It's already pretty low.

280
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,281
What am I gonna do about Deke?

281
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,383
He's coming over
to study tonight.

282
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,353
Oh, God, I sound like
such a girl from the '50s.

283
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,822
Gonna go cry
into my princess phone.

284
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,859
You should tell Deke
how you feel,

285
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:12,926
and tell him tonight,

286
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,561
because I think that
Judy girl likes him

287
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,029
and I think he might
like her too.

288
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,497
Why do you say that?

289
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:18,698
I literally don't care at all,

290
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,901
but I just want to know,
why would you say that?

291
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,537
Max, he likes big butts,
and he cannot lie.

292
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,744
"At what temperature
does sugar crystallize?"

293
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,746
"Fahrenheit and Celsius."
Go, Max.

294
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:35,983
Max.

295
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,886
Why are you looking
at me like that?

296
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,788
This doesn't make any sense!

297
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,857
Well, your book is upside down.

298
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429
Hey, hearing a lot
of chitchat in here.

299
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,531
Just wanted to make sure
you two are studying.

300
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,767
Stop studying. Kiss him.

301
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:59,839
All right, well,
I better be going.

302
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,977
-Just, pretend I'm not here.
-I always do.

303
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:06,846
Hey um...

304
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,648
This is weird,
but before we study,

305
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,984
I kind of have
something to tell you.

306
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,620
Weird, 'cause I kinda
have something to tell you.

307
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,589
That is weird.
Maybe it's the same thing.

308
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,458
Someone wants to have
sex with me.

309
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,493
How did you know that?

310
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,996
'Cause Judy with the booty
just texted me,

311
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,464
"Would you like to study tonight?

312
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,499
And then have sex with me?"

313
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,203
I think you've interpreted
that correctly.

314
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,373
Wow, she's direct
and, I might add, slutty.

315
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,944
I know, she's got balls
to go with that butt.

316
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,845
So what were you gonna tell me?

317
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,714
Oh, I--I was going to tell you

318
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,716
what you just told me.

319
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:47,654
That Judy with the booty
wants to have sex with you.

320
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,356
Glad she got up the guts
to tell you.

321
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,124
So go for it.

322
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,626
Wait, you want me to go for it?

323
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,895
Yeah, totally, go for it.

324
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,031
She seems kind of clean,
go get it.

325
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,933
But we're supposed to study.

326
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,935
I wouldn't want to bail
on you just to go hit that.

327
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,436
Hey, if you don't, I will.

328
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,272
You're really gonna
pass that ass up?

329
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,339
Now get going

330
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,674
'cause I have to memorize
what temperature

331
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,343
cho-cho-cho
turns into chan-chan-chan.

332
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:14,514
-So you're telling me to go?
-I'm saying, "Ta-ta-ta."

333
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,084
Go get her bread wet.
Make it rise, bro.

334
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,851
Okay, then, bro.

335
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,921
I guess I will go,
but with that butt,

336
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,992
if I come back a crack addict,
it's your fault.

337
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,498
Where's he going?
Is this a condom run?

338
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,600
Is he going on a condom run?

339
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,701
'Cause, if he is,

340
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,469
can you text him to
pick me up a Diet Coke?

341
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,638
Can, not a bottle.
You know the deal.

342
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,041
He's going to have sex
with Judy.

343
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,642
You were right, he's into her.

344
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,711
I'm so glad I didn't say anything.

345
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,379
That would have felt terrible.

346
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,316
-How do you feel now?
-Terrible.

347
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,251
But at least
I didn't embarrass myself.

348
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,486
I was this close
to showing him my gnomes.

349
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,226
Wow, you must really like him

350
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,894
if you were willing to let him know
that you're an insane person.

351
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,597
Well, I'm about to be
more screwed than Judy

352
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,099
because I didn't study at all.

353
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,001
I know French.
I can help you.

354
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,938
You can help me with the keys
you have to Nicolas' office.

355
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,174
We are breaking in
and stealing the test!

356
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,443
Why are you covering his ears?

357
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,510
He knows you steal.

358
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,612
You took him from someone's yard.

359
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:26,419
I can't believe we're sneaking
into his office to steal your test.

360
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,487
This is cheating.

361
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,555
Oh, don't worry.

362
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,957
I hear my teacher's
kind of into cheating.

363
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,794
Can't argue with that.

364
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,166
Max, please hurry.
Find the test

365
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,233
and let's get out of here

366
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,301
because we shouldn't
be in here

367
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,136
and it smells like him
and I like it.

368
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:47,340
Okay, one of these papers
has to be it.

369
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:50,077
Oh, no, everything's written
in secret code!

370
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,579
Max, that's French.

371
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,116
How is it possible
he's even better-looking

372
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,185
in photos
than in real life?

373
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,387
Max, hurry up.
I can't be around his stuff.

374
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,523
My vagina's trying to get out
of my pants again.

375
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,094
Well, get her out here!

376
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,395
Maybe she can help me
look for the test

377
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,562
'cause you're useless.

378
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,064
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

379
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,665
Oh, no, it's Nicolas.

380
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,568
I can smell him in the hall,
and I like it.

381
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,903
Max, let's get out of here.

382
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,238
Okay, well, you have to
stay and distract him

383
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,306
so I can sneak out.

384
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,673
Just pretend you're not mad

385
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,874
and you came in to see him.

386
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,042
I can't just turn it on like that.

387
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,312
What am I, an actress
at a cocktail party?

388
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,480
You have to, it's the only
logical explanation you have

389
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,981
for being in here.

390
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,751
Caroline.

391
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,853
I've missed you.
I'm in your office.

392
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,788
That's the only
logical explanation I have

393
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,124
for being in here.

394
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,929
Oh, ouch!

395
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,364
Oh, sorry.
Did I hurt you?

396
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,699
Oh, no, I'm sitting on something.

397
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,102
Oh, sorry.
Oh, those are the exams for today.

398
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,704
Oh, well, let me just
give us some room

399
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,073
while I push these exams
on the floor.

400
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,145
Now, kiss me again,

401
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,512
but, this time,
lay on top of me

402
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,948
so your legs are out
of the way. Now, go!

403
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,791
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

404
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,461
You know this can't happen.
You're married.

405
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:15,928
Now, if you'll excuse me,

406
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,997
I have to go snap
something back on.

407
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,473
Well, here are the test answers.

408
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,674
But I don't know what
the questions are

409
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,941
because I only got half the test,

410
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,344
and I'm only half sure
those are the answers.

411
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,980
Whoa, dude,
how did you get this?

412
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,082
I turned Caroline into a whore.

413
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,851
Can you figure out any of this?

414
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:42,455
I don't have any idea
what these questions could be.

415
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,756
I didn't study either.

416
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,426
Judy and I got to talk,
and it got pretty involved.

417
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:47,894
Well, now we're screwed.

418
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,596
I mean, you already got screwed.

419
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,498
Congrats. Proud of you, bro.

420
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,534
Max, we're gonna flunk this test.

421
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,635
Better go to the men's room

422
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,937
and write all the answers
on my penis.

423
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,940
Don't worry, they'll fit.

424
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,077
I hope you're happy?

425
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,214
I've now kissed a
married man twice.

426
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,349
Oh, and here, I grabbed this
from Nicolas' office.

427
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,351
That's not the test.
It's a phone bill.

428
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,321
I know, I wanted you to see
he doesn't call his wife much.

429
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,523
(FIRE ALARM BLARES)

430
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,891
Fire! Everyone get out!

431
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:21,228
Move your big ass!
We're gonna burn!

432
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:22,862
Scoot.

433
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:27,467
Oh, my God, Max!
I hope Nicolas is okay!

434
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:31,204
Don't worry about me,
I'm right behind you!

435
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,407
Caroline, I want you to be safe.

436
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,542
Come with me.

437
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,876
You're married.

438
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,845
I'll just stay here and burn.

439
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,680
Caroline, don't be crazy.

440
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,916
This is all your fault.

441
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,922
Don't worry about me,
I'm right behind you!

442
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,491
(ALARM STOPS)
Max, wait.

443
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,161
It's just a false alarm.
I pulled it.

444
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,729
So classy.

445
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,598
You weren't gonna
pass that test

446
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,933
and I need you
in that class with me.

447
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:02,702
You did this for me?

448
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,937
Yeah, and for me too,
I wasn't gonna pass either.

449
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,006
But, look,

450
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:08,941
when you were talking about
me and Judy just now,

451
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,277
you seemed kind of weird, and--

452
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,212
Oh, hey, I just had
a weird moment yesterday

453
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,781
when you were getting
my dough wet

454
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,182
and I kinda got turned on.

455
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,218
Sort of thought I liked you.
Yeah, gross, right?

456
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,422
Oh, right, yeah.
Totally gross.

457
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,557
Anyway, dude, we're just bros.

458
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,593
Okay, bro...

459
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,361
But just so you know,

460
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,630
nothing happened between
me and Judy last night.

461
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:31,698
That's lame.

462
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:32,799
If you like a girl

463
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,667
you should just grab her
and kiss her.

464
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:35,835
Okay.

465
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:44,010
-Was that weird?
-Yeah. And I liked it.

466
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,580
Max, come on! Oh.

467
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:48,715
Sorry to interrupt,

468
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,883
but we're supposed to
evacuate the building.

469
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,620
There's no fire.
Deke pulled the alarm.

470
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,055
I wanted to kiss her.

471
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:59,091
Yeah. Turns out he's into dudes.

472
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,195
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

473
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:28,921
(English US - SDH)